- I woke up with a sore throat this morning. Nothing horrible or cough inducing, but it's annoying. I got honey-based lozenges for myself.

- I fully intend to have a Droid by Valentine's Day at the latest. I will name it Alice after the computer system in Resident Evil.

- I'm already planning my 35th birthday party, which is still six and a half months away. Actually, it's more like I'm scheming. Arjay's going to be my date, he just doesn't know it.

- I still have a total nerd crush on Arjay. Thankfully I'm not so emo or self-conscious about it anymore. That was screwing with my head.

- Today I got scolded for not eating enough protein. I found out I'm allergic to wheat a little more than a month ago and I've had to make radical dietary changes. Apparently quinoa doesn't count as a good source of protein when you're anemic. Now I have to have to give myself B12 shots. Bastards.

- I moved again for the second time in less than four months. I like my new place, but now I need a bed. I left my old one with my parents.

- I'm buying myself my dream car: a old Jeep Cherokee, preferably a late 80's or early 90's model, something I wanted back in high school. A white one that I can put anarchy stickers on.

- I want a window mount for my Droid so I can talk to the ancestor of the T-1000 while driving an old Jeep. That idea makes my sci-fi geek heart happy.

Two and a half months ago I got a new job. Two weeks ago I got a raise. On Saturday I moved to a new apartment. Next month I'm buying a new (to me) car. My dream car since I was in high school, in fact -- a Jeep Cherokee. What else am I going to change?

Edit: Oh, and I'm saving up for a Droid. Zomg.

I'm so out of sorts today. I'm more productive than I was yesterday, but I really don't want to be here physically or mentally. I'd rather be staring at sea creatures while a marine biologist tells me about them. How fucking weird is that? I have got to banish this from my mind.

The wedding was absolutely amazing. The groom is always handsome and the bride looked stunning. And eating at a family-style Italian restaurant was perfect because it was the right mix of quasi-formal and celebratory. Of course, the highlight for me was being book-ended by two attractive nerds -- Sean and Arjay.

Things with Sean went well, though not as well as I'd hoped. He came straight to me and stayed next to me the entire night. More importantly he actually talked to me. Major improvement. His body language, his attention and some of his words, or lack thereof, said it all, but nothing happened. He hung out with R, DJ and I at their apartment for a few hours, but still nothing happened, just a brief touch to my hair and a few "accidentally" touches. Of course, none of this rivals the few sparks of jealousy I saw flying when Arjay joined our table.

We had one of those huge curving booths that can seat eight. I sat tucked into a corner with Sean scooted in close-ish next to me. Next thing I know Arjay, who I know through the groom, came around the other side and slid in next to me. Sean immediately eyed him like he was an intruder. It didn't help that Arjay and I were trying to figure out when D and his bride met and our point of reference was the last time Arjay cooked dinner for us. Except he said, "I think they met the week after I went over to your place and cooked for you." Yeah, that earned another look from Sean. So did the fact that I obviously find Arjay to be exceedingly intelligent and funny, so I laugh at all his geeky jokes.

Once Arjay asked to borrow my pen and I said it'd cost him. "I'll cook you dinner." Then he forgot his glasses when we were about to leave and I took them to him. "When do I owe you dinner?" I said I'd FB him and we'd talk. I woke up Saturday morning, checked my e-mail and found a friend request from him already. That made me smile and I'm pretty sure I turned red. This morning I checked my e-mail and found a message through FB from him about the upcoming movie Avatar as well as his number.

Truth be told, I'm trying not to read too much into it. I like Arjay a lot and his very cuddly -- a fact I know because he hugged me after the wedding. As many issues as I have with human contact, I can actually envision resting against him while watching movies. That's pretty damn big for me. Oh, random fact: he's Polish, which I'm sure might amuse jefF. He works at Nove Southeastern University where he's also working on his doctorate in marine biology. He's one of those super-geeks, the sort that ask you bizarre questions and rattle off random facts at the drop of a hat. You either love him or hate him, and my cousins and I love him.

Anyway, I'd like to see what happens with either one of them. DJ asked me to be honest and tell her which one I'd rather see right now and I actually had to say Arjay. I love Sean and I've loved him for years, but he really has to get his shit together and actually do something. Arjay's already made a few steps to at least be friends outside of our mutual associations. And, like I said, he's cuddly and he makes me laugh. And he's a little crazy. One of my favourite pictures of him is making ice cream with liquid nitrogen. Who wouldn't love to have dinner with someone like that?

The AC in the clinic stopped working sometime around 3:30 pm yesterday. I had to send my staff home early today. Unfortunately, I have to stay to keep answering the phones and deal with any patients that come in. I don't want to run a clinic anymore!

Tomorrow's the wedding and tomorrow I'm going to see Sean for the first time in a year. I've actually changed a lot, physically and otherwise, in that mere year. I wonder what he'll think. I don't worry or fret about it, but I do wonder. I'm calm after my initial freak-out, though the drama does continue. Apparently my cousin R isn't as oblivious as we thought. When DJ told him Sean's going to the wedding he just got this huge grin on his face. According to DJ he wants Sean and I together. Everyone wants Sean and I together -- except probably Sean.

Anyone who reads this journal knows I don't date. I don't even interact well with humans. I haven't been able to sustain a relationship since high school, mostly because I haven't really tried. For a variety of reasons. First and foremost, I have commitment issues stemming from losing half my family and my fiance years ago. Plus I just have general relationship issues because I can't reconcile with the idea of spending more than a day, much less the rest of my life, with one person. And I'm just a plain admitted coward when it comes to dealing with personal issues.

I love Sean and I want him in my life, but I don't think I'll be heartbroken if he just wants to stay life-long friends that grew up together. I'd probably be more freaked out if he doesn't want to just stay friends. I often marvel at people who can date and risk their hearts, but I don't envy them.

My next book will be titled Delete the Message: How to ignore your inner voice and outer signs. FB kept prompting me to "reconnect" with Sean, so I did. I sent him a very simple e-mail. "It's been nearly a year since any of us have heard from you and we miss you. I miss you. I love you, E.R." I figured it'd be weeks, even months before he saw it and he could take it any way he wanted to.

He read it this morning. He's going to D's wedding, which is this Friday. I shouldn't have sent that note. I should have ignored FB and my inner voice. Now I'm hyperventilating for no damn good reason. This will probably turn out to be the same as every other time we've been in the same room together -- he'll hover in my field of vision but won't come near me, he'll keep glancing over and maintain eye contact but he won't talk to me.

Wtf, mate? I'm supposed to be the shrew!

Me: So, guess what!
Mel: hm?
Me: I'm officially the only single person over the age of thirteen in my entire family!
Mel: That's um...ok...uh...grats?
Me: ::Smug.::
Me: Not only that, I'm the only person in my generation that's never been married and/or had kids. Dude, I'm rocking the spinsterhood!
Mel: *facepalm*
Me: I'm a shrew. Hee!
Mel: *pat*
Me: In other news, I wrote that guy I keep telling you about. Nothing will come of it, but I did it. I figure if I can do what the billboards tell me to, I can do what Facebook tells me to.
Mel: ...Facebook tells you to.
Me: Yes. It kept prompting me to "reconnect" with him and write on his wall, so I did.
Mel: That's right up there with listening to a fortune cookie.
Me: Listening to a fortune cookie's how I got my job.
Mel: *terrified*
Me: I'm all about the messages, baybee!
Mel: LMAO

Today my doctor is seeing his own doctor, so the office is effectively shut down. I sat down with my youngest staffmember, K, and watched The Moses Code with her. Then we had a long talk about the multiverse and how action can be achieved without taking action. Philosphy is fun.

Every morning, on my forty-five minute commute to work, I pass a digital billboard that gives me the strangest message. Every morning for the past ten days, just as I pass it, it turns completely grey and a single word appears in enormous black font: you. The font changes every day, but the background and the message remain the same. Yesterday I decided that whatever advert followed is what I would do. I wound up writing a letter to the President during my lunch hour. Hey, if you were me you'd do what the billboards tell you to do, too. If you don't know why, ask me.

Save America's Space Program

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It's obviously been a little while since I posted anything. Not that I haven't had anything to post, just no motivation to do so. I started my new job on September 1st. Tomorrow the girl who's been training me to take over as the office manager is leaving and I'll assume complete control, as well as a $6k a year raise. I've already proven myself well worth the expense. Not only am I the office manager for a pain management clinic, I'm also now an addiction care coordinator, which means doing intakes on junkies going into withdrawal from a variety of substances and getting them into the right recovery programs.

I work a steady nine-to-five job Monday through Friday, coming in at eight in the morning if I really have work I need to catch up on. No more crazy hours, forced overtime or six-day weeks. Actually, I am encouraging the doctor to consider adding one or two Saturdays a week, but we'll see how that goes. I have paid holidays, including the Jewish holidays because my doctor's Orthodox, instead of being forced to take the day off and then having it docked from my vacation time. I only get seven paid vacation days, eight if you count my birthday, but I have unlimited sick days. I have my own office, my own desk, my own laptop, my own extension, and my own fax machine. I have free reign.

I love my staff, and they love me. I've learned from both my good and bad supervisors. I send them home with half a day's pay if they're sick and try to work through it, I make sure they go to lunch on time and take their full hours, I take the shitty patients and I make sure they get their paychecks in the morning so they can deposit them during their lunch breaks. I let them wear crazy shoes and play music and made sure each of them had their own work space. One of them asked me if we could please have recycling bins; the next day I brought the bins in and a little plant for her desk for being so earth-conscious. I love my doctor, who treats us all like we're his granddaughters and frets over us constantly. He's a crazy, old-fashioned doctor that still sees house patients and has privileges as four local hospitals.

When I finally leave this place for Chicago I'm going to have a brilliant resume, an awesome savings account and a lot of fond memories.

This conspiracy theory is being posted to all my pagan and paranormal communities. It's diabolical!

Me: I got the worst tarot spread evar.
Melissa: Get off the planet, eh?
Me: Worse.
Melissa: Get off someone else's planet?
Me: Queen of Swords (which is actually my significator, ironically) crossed by Judgement and followed by the Two of Cups and Two of Wands.
Melissa: ...who did you piss off?
Me: I wish I knew.
Melissa: Geesh.
Me: So, I'm going to hole up in my room for a three-day weekend...
Melissa: *snicker*
Me: I hope it wasn't Bast. I said very nice things about her recently. This is not the appropriate way to reward me.
Melissa: Do you hear purring?
Me: I think that's the motorboat from Jaws 4, but I'm not sure.
Melissa: Then large furry paws of doom shouldn't be forthcoming.
Melissa: Unlike Sekhmet, in which case I'd be hitting the deck.
Me: I was thinking the same thing.
Melissa: I'm just not allowed to mention her and being allergic to cats at the same time anymore.
Me: lol What happened?
Melissa: Every cat in the house decided to floss my sinuses with their tails, my eyes swelled shut for 18 hours, and I think I tied the world's record for consecutive sneezes.
Me: Ahahaha!

A few years ago I was standing in a grocery store when I heard the ringtone from JP III coming from the next aisle over. I immediately ducked and used those big mirrors suspended from the ceiling to see if there was anything large and scaly in that direction. Today I heard the piano notes from Nightmare on Elm Street and froze before daring a peek around to make sure the store hadn't changed. Movie ringtones should be outlawed.

In other news, my cousin G is one giant leap closer to getting married. He brought her up to meet my parents, which is the equivalent of meeting his parents since my aunt is dead and only talking to me and his father is an asshole. At forty-four, this will be his first marriage. I've always told the family that I'd get married when he did. Ha, fat chance of that. Commitment issues aside, I don't know any single man and not any man crazy enough to marry me.

I think the one that predicted my next interview would result in a job was pretty damn sweet.

Speaking of, I rocked on my first day today. I'm definitely going to like it here. I'd forgotten what working at a private doctor's office was like. He stops working at 12:30 to go attend to patients at the hospital, so the rest of the day is dedicated to paperwork. A rep is coming to provide us with lunch tomorrow. I have Monday off as a paid holiday. I haven't had a paid holiday in four years. Jackson closed the clinics down, then docked our personal leave for it as if we chose not to work those holidays.

The staff is great, the doctor is terribly sweet, and I have my own desk, since I'll be assuming the roll of office manager in about two weeks. Maybe less if I keep up the pace at which I've learned everything. By the end of the day I was fairly proficient at their programs and had already fielded several calls on my own. The doctor loves my smile, the accountant loves that I can fix the fax, and the girls love my adorable little bento box lunches and my selection of teas and honey sticks. I loved everything, especially my lack of hospital teal scrubs and the fact that I didn't have to run to the lounge every time I needed a drink of water.

Oh, to be treated like an employee that actually matters!

Edit: And one more thing -- Chiller's having a Forever Knight marathon on my paid holiday!

Subject: Cheers to me, mate!

I got me a job. Hee! I'm going to get paid and finally save up real money for Chicago! FEAR ME!

<3p&c

I am now the office manager for a small private doctor's office. Funnily enough, it's right down the street from the first doctor's office I ever worked for. It's not a huge job, there's no overtime, and I won't be making tons of money, but I will be making money. My personal financial depression is finally over!

I make lists. Not compulsively, or anything, but when I need to achieve goals I find lists are very helpful to me. I have a list of things I need to do/buy with my first paycheck. I have a list of things I need to do/buy with a steady income. A haircut, new glasses (I lost my old ones) and a new laptop are at the top of thoses lists.

But first I must go buy new scrubs. Yay!

Edit: The last time I went out to dinner at a Chinese restaurant with DJ & Co. my fortune cookie read, "Your next interview will result in a job." That was back in June. This past Tuesday was, indeed, the next interview I received.

I never ask this, but I'm in a financial bind and I need to raise $125 by 31st August. I know times are tough for everyone, but I would appreciate everyone on my f-list looking at my Etsy store to see if there's anything you'd like to buy.

Etsy: Your place to buy & sell all things handmade ReadingChairDesigns.etsy.com